psonic psychosis

our worth made coin

2012-01-31T22:29:00.007-05:00

the kickstarter campaign to fund the release of the new album is underway.

part of the reason the album didn't come out last year is lack of money. kickstarter offers a way to raise both money and awareness of an upcoming project, possibly to a wider base of people than the usual channels.

the great thing about it for backers is there's no risk. you can pledge using a credit card, but you're not charged until the campaign is over and the project meets the goal. if the project doesn't get fully funded, no one is charged. if it's successful, the money is paid through an amazon account to ensure the promised rewards get delivered to everyone.

this seemed like a good opportunity to reintroduce a few items from the back catalogue. independent promotion and distribution is difficult, so the results can be uneven. i know there are some people who thought the lathe of heaven was the first release. others weren't aware there was anything out since we were on elfenblut (misanthropy records' non-metal label).

there are also other releases and t-shirts, as well as framed and signed prints of my original photography offered as rewards for donations.

the campaign will run until march 15 2012.

until then, share the video above and the link below if you want this to succeed. thank you.

http://kck.st/wiyOom

p.s. the title of this post comes from the lyrics to "counterfeit"

watching from outside

2011-12-19T11:29:00.004-05:00

the video for "bruises never fade" came about on the spur of the moment. as the album release date kept getting pushed back, it seemed time for another video. a more ambitious one has been in pre-production, but delayed. this song seemed the next likely candidate.

i can't be on both sides of the lens, but i don't know any actors. i'm used to shooting inanimate objects for my art photography. so i thought i would use backgrounds, composition, and a human figure to get feelings across.

the figure i used is a visual artist who goes by the name grey heart. she was willing to let me shoot her and give her minimal directions, with the understanding that she was being used as a visual element more than an actor.

the song itself went through a few developments, the most significant one being my realization that it didn't need any melodic guitar (as detailed in an earlier post). i also wanted it to have a slightly distorted, overloaded quality, so the vocals were pushed a bit too hard, and bryin added layers of synth and guitar noise, including an amazing loop that sounds like some wounded beast sobbing. finally, i added the sound of glass crashing backwards in slow motion underneath the chorus.

sonically, there was a slight problem with the original bass guitar, which disappeared on smaller speakers such as laptops and phones - a common problem these days. so the version in the video actually has a replayed synth bass. although it gives the song a colder, more electronic feel, i'll be glad when the album is out so people can hear the original.

tactile ephemera

2011-10-10T08:44:00.003-04:00

the new album is essentially finished, and has been for a few months. the only things to work out at this point are the special packaging and the mastering.

as i've mentioned in earlier blog entries, the engineering aspect of recording has been one of the bigger issues faced. the music is often a delicate balance of sounds and textures that may not easily fit together. it's been a long learning process figuring out mixing tricks and sweet spots.

the goal has been to make an album that not only surpasses our own past work, but also stands up both artistically and sonically to some of my favorite recordings. although we've done a lot towards that end ourselves, for that final step, we need professional mastering.

i've learned a lot about how to make things sound better than they ever have before. but there's a certain objectivity and knowledge that a professional engineer can bring. every major release of ours has been mastered, and the difference between the final mixes and the mastered version has been significant and definitely worth the expense.

as for the packaging, it's always been an important aspect of the final product to me. however, mass-produced CDs in standard jewel cases don't seem to have much point these days. in a time when people can download anything, nothing feels like it has much substance or value. that's why a special, unique, handmade package that ties into the music makes the most sense to me. it takes some extra time and effort, but the final result should feel like something worth owning and holding in your hand.

the golden age illusion

2011-07-27T08:11:00.013-04:00

"perfect vision" was originally written on acoustic guitar at a faster tempo, and at various early stages had a second middle section, different music for the second half of each verse, and a classical-jazz instrumental intro based on the verses. in the first demo, the drums were more rock than dance, bass guitar was used, there was a minimal keyboard line.

a synth-riff intro that ended up unused was the catalyst for a more electronic approach. whole sections were dropped, others re-written, and the song was re-recorded more like eurodisco with arpeggiated strings.

it was better, except for one thing. i was aping things i dislike in order to mock them to make a point. unfortunately, in the process, the song was becoming too much what was being mocked. so i redid the production from scratch on vintage drum machine and synth. it gives a knowing wink at retro-futuristic nostalgia, while at the same time indulging in a style i actually like.

bryin processed the hi-hats a variety of ways that punctuate the song's intro, outro, and just before the first verse. and more importantly, he added shimmering accents through a twisted series of vintage pedals that sound nothing like the electric guitar he's actually playing (as is often the case).

the audio is a "home-mastered" mix, optimized as best as possible for youtube. the final master should sound better. the video uses footage from the 1980 TV adaptation of aldous huxley's 'brave new world'. it's been re-colored and edited to fit the song. i hope those changes are enough to constitute "fair use". the movie itself is nearly impossible to find officially.

themes in the book were a direct inspiration on some of the song's lyrics, particularly in the middle section. in the same breath, i chose to salute one of the inspirations for the final arrangement of the song. "images of heaven" by peter godwin is a classic slice of new wave that still stands up today.

the overall sound and meaning of the song are also linked both to each other, and to a central issue of the album. the quest for perfection, its possible futility, and the fact that so often we end up looking for it in the past.

when it's done

2011-01-20T17:40:00.008-05:00

as great as it was to get out the "counterfeit" web project, i'm eager to complete the rest of the album.

one of the thinly-veiled messages of that song is a criticism of low-bitrate compressed audio as a sonic baseline for music. MP3s are a great promotional tool. at 320kbps, they can even take the place of other somewhat disposable formats such as the CD single, cassette single, or mixtape. but my ultimate goal is to release uncompressed (in terms of the audio file format, not the dynamic range) recordings, in a physical format. i want them to be associated with specific artwork and design and presented initially in a certain order.

strange how this is now considered old-fashioned. i think of it almost as multimedia, something expressed on several levels: audio, visual, tactile. the final result is more of an art object than a mass marketing tool (which is necessary too...and what MP3s excel at).

i've resigned myself to the fact that this album, more than any other i've worked on before, is just such an "art object". there are overarching themes. various song lyrics reference each other. different tracks flow together. imagery is visually connected to the music. there will also be a special edition, perhaps the only edition, in a unique handmade package that ties everything together.

at this point, 7 songs are done, and another 3 almost finished. in addition, there are 5 instrumental interludes. several more songs and instrumentals were written, and some of them recorded, but those are what made the cut after putting them in order and trying some rough crossfading.

some tracks just didn't fit into the flow, or were deemed not good enough. the decent ones may come out in some form in the future. for a short time i toyed with the idea of a second CD (maybe just a 3") of more instrumental material, but i think that would delay the project too much more as well as make it too costly. then again, just mentioning it, i like the idea, so who knows? the point is, it's done when it's done. but i can say that more easily now that it's actually closer to being a reality.

making copies

2010-10-12T13:46:00.038-04:00

on 10.10.10, the track "counterfeit" was released online in six different forms. all are available streaming or free download here, as well as streaming (and shareable) on soundcloud. all fans are encouraged (for these six tracks only) to download, upload, mashup, degrade, copy, burn, or otherwise spread word or sound bites about them. all we ask is proper credit is given to the band (and remixer, if applicable).

COUNTERFEIT web mix by dreamintodust

the web mix is basically the original, although slightly shorter and lower quality than the forthcoming album version. this is the song i've referred to on this blog several times as being made of dozens of different parts. almost nothing in this song is "real". everything is made up of samples of toy instruments, chopped up and overprocessed loops, analog and digital synths, a circuit bent plastic guitar, and a bass guitar recorded onto a cheap boombox and then severely stretched to fit the song. the vocal was shouted into a handheld mic plugged straight into the mixing board and later tweaked by bryin.

COUNTERFEIT deviation mix by dreamintodust

the deviation mix came out of a desire to feature certain instruments and to make it more of a crazy drum and bass track.

COUNTERFEIT breakneck mix [bryin dall] by dreamintodust

bryin did his own mix, which turned out a bit breakcore/speedcore because of the tempo.

COUNTERFEIT dirty money mix [angztek industries] by dreamintodust

DJ angztek fired up his gear as angztek industries and chopped up sounds from the song and constructed a pounding dance beat around them.

COUNTERFEIT vintage mix [prequel] by dreamintodust

shannon fields of stars like fleas, the silent league, and family dynamics used his catch-all moniker prequel for this cold wave style vintage mix. lots of original instruments added for authentic feel. this is unlike anything he's known for previously.

COUNTERFEIT parasite mix [theologian] by dreamintodust

leech of theologian (formerly of navicon torture technologies and one of the most collaborative and prolific artists i know who retains high quality) utterly destroyed the song. i mean that in a good way. pitched down, distorted pieces from the original mixed with key rhythmic elements.

finally, a no-budget video was shot using the motion picture setting on a still camera and effected to look like the whole thing has been photocopied. an HD version is available on youtube.

online digital releases are far from ideal. but this song and video are a comment on certain aspects of the world we find ourselves in, and that makes this type of dissemination fitting in this case. there will definitely be more sharing of snippets and using video in the future, as well as remixes.

the good part's just getting started.

i sing the body electric

2010-09-06T17:26:00.005-04:00

being a vocalist is a pain at times. there are any number of activities or dietary choices that can end up affecting the quality of your voice in both the short and long-term. this can put a damper on the rest of life, especially when you're supposed to be recording final takes, or even run-throughs that you hope might end up being usable. normal and enjoyable things become potential hazards to productivity. each one becomes a choice; to pass it up and have a better singing voice the next day, or indulge and face 24 hours or more of vocal uselessness.

sometimes it's not even a choice. i'm grateful for the smoking ban in NYC clubs and restaurants, but i can't control private areas i may be in. then there's cookouts with family or friends. excusing or repositioning myself in any of these situations can be awkward. no one wants to be a killjoy, especially for such an esoteric, artistic, and wimpy-sounding reason.

at times i envy my musical partner bryin, whose baritone seems to gain an appropriately raspy edge from smoking. for material like our dark hank williams covers, it really seems to work. however, when singing in a higher register, such as mine, it only causes harm. add to that the fact that as much as i've been complimented on my "pretty" voice, i have less interest in using it these days - and harsher tones tax vocal cords more.

singing can, however, be its own great reward. even when not recording or in front of an audience, there's a joy and power that comes from feeling your body resonate with the notes. certain tones, melodies, moments of vibrato feel good both physically and mentally. not to mention those times when you let out a scream straight from the gut.

low end theories

2010-07-28T15:32:00.008-04:00

i love bass. any playback system that can't adequately reproduce some kind of bass is, to me, a piece of crap. music devolving into ringtones made for tinny phone and computer speakers distresses me. i don't believe everyone needs a club or concert system to enjoy music, but some kind of happy medium should be the standard. unfortunately, that's not in my control. but our recording quality is.

in the past, my love of bass has cost me. more bass often means less volume (at least, the way we hear volume). it also means more sonic confusion. you can't have downtuned samples, deep kick drums, sludgy bass guitar, and rumbling sound effects all at once. at least, not without compromises.

so much of the time spent working on this album, as i've said before, has been involved in tackling engineering issues. a big one has been dealing with bass. several songs have multiple bass guitars and bass synths, as well as slightly different kick drums. then there's trying to even out the volume on bass parts that sweep up high on the neck (louder) as well as play low (quieter), and trying to get the bottom notes of a 5-string bass or a rumbling explosion to resonate without destroying speakers. and of course making all these things sound good and loud at the same time.

learning different techniques to make sense of all the murk has been illuminating and time-consuming. it's also not an exact science, at least not at my level of knowledge. just when i think "that kick drum's solved the issue, it punches straight through the bass now", i realize "it's tuned way too high, it's like a toy electronic drum", and it has to be replaced.

another danger is in focusing too much on the bass, consequently making the music bottom-heavy. pushing a frequency ends up pushing volume, so that has to be compensated for.

in the end, i have to believe it's worth it, since even unmastered versions of the new songs sonically blow away anything we've released so far. one song has been previewed at a club, and held its own next to commercially released tracks. which, from a recording/engineering standpoint, is all you can hope for.

i'll have nothing, thanks

2010-07-16T19:18:00.005-04:00

sometimes creating is knowing when to leave something out. after multiple sessions with both electric and acoustic guitars for a new song, i found myself more frustrated than ever. nothing i played truly added anything to the music except more sounds filling up space. in addition, the organic quality of guitar and the prettiness of the acoustic in particular, took away from the cold, stark feeling the song was supposed to have.

and then the obvious hit me: no guitar was needed.

it's a strange thing to think of myself as being one thing, such as a guitarist. but since it's what i play in the band live, i'd begun to put myself in that box. if there was no guitar, what would i do? i wasn't thinking that consciously, but it must have been affecting my insistence on trying to force a part for an instrument that didn't need to be there.

the other issue one faces as a producer is the overall album feel and flow. the state of things towards the end of an album's recording sessions is different from the beginning. you start seeing the connections between tracks and recurring patterns. not just the ones added intentionally, but also by accident, and by influence.

the longer this album has taken, the more frustrated i've become. that frustration leads to a desire for harder, angrier music. that, combined with attempting to make sure the sound isn't all over the map, has led to changes in arrangement and mixing.

for example, "secondhand daylight" was initially written, recorded, and even performed live with acoustic guitar as the main instrument. it's ended up with no acoustic guitar, and sparse and ethereal electrics added. synths were mixed louder, and vintage beat boxes replaced the acoustic drum sounds i originally used. finally, scott's excellent viola sample solo was pulled out of a section that needed to feature bryin's spaced-out noise guitar. that same section was based on a huge effected drum machine loop which itself was long ago removed, and ended up being the intro to a different song.

bryin himself can sometimes be the foil that leads to these kinds of decisions. he can affect a song without touching a piece of gear by asking "what are you trying to do?" or "why do it that way?"

the answers to these questions lead to better solutions than simply banging my head against a wall. especially if the wall isn't even mic'ed.

the persistence of momentum

2009-10-31T11:35:00.007-04:00

one of the most exciting times in making music is as it's coming into being. the ideas you had are transforming before your ears. no longer sketches or vague promises of potential to live up to, you can feel it becoming a reality. a combination of the instant gratification of feeling and hearing what you're playing combined with the more esoteric sensation that comes when doing something new. something most of the world hasn't heard yet.

and in the opposite corner, its nemesis: the loss of momentum. that's a big part of what drives creativity into that special place. on the one hand, you can dream up all kinds of ideas that never get fully realized. on the other, you can spend hours playing for fun, or playing while searching fruitlessly for the right part. but when the two come together it completes a circuit in the brain and gives the work momentum.

lack of momentum is one of the biggest obstacles we've faced in working on new music, whether due to other projects, scheduling, time, sickness, personnel, or technical issues. to have that feeling of being there, or at least getting there, and then having to stop, is almost physically painful. it's like suddenly going from breathing fresh mountain air to being in a poorly-ventilated basement.

being able to work partially on a laptop helps get work done, but not in terms of momentum. in fact, it splits up the process further, into different times and places. there's only so much editing that can be done in headphones while in transit, or waiting for something else to happen. at some point it needs to move to a decent studio and involve live performers and reliable playback.

as i write this, i'm on a train. but my thoughts are elsewhere. back in the studio, with the lights low, listening to bryin's distorted beats and slicing loops while i wrench notes out of a 5-string fuzz bass. hearing the words in my head and making up melodies as i sing along. a version of a song suspended halfway between the flashpoint of inspiration and the final realization.

agent provocateur

2009-09-16T20:06:00.010-04:00

working with bryin dall isn't like working with any other musician. he's not a muso full of technique and attitude. his approach is either to play totally from the gut, or from a place that leaves almost everything to chance.

in the latter sense, he reminds me of brian eno, who would also set up a series of seemingly random parameters and then do experimental treatments of various sound sources. the end results, however, are totally different. while eno still ultimately tied his work to melodic and harmonic elements, bryin tends to create atonally, based on texture and rhythm. when he does play notes, he often knows instictively what note to play, even if it makes no sense in the key of the song. a few times i've pitch-shifted him to make it "right", and found that right is wrong and wrong was right after all.

sometimes i go to him with a specific sonic request. a recent one for the new album was something like "make this beat sound like whirling knives". he usually comes up with solutions and methods completely different than mine would have been.

often it's better to let him just go off on his own, whether on noise guitar, original loops, or creative sound manipulation. the results can end up being the beginning of a new song, or the perfect missing piece to an unfinished one. there's a new song now that started from him pulling up a sound, putting his hands on the jupiter 8, and switching on the hold button. some might say there's not enough thought put into such actions, but he's the one who made those choices and set events in motion.

just like with photography, making technical choices and capturing moments isn't enough. what you choose to keep, discard, and emphasize is the final step. if he were to continue on his own recordings (as he does with 4th sign of the apocalypse), he'd probably use what i throw away. several times that's actually happened if he's been in the room as i edit his performances. he'll ask for the clicks, bumps, and stray artifacts to be saved for him. his is the realm of the discarded, the forgotten, the ignored.

what i look for are the peak moments, when he reaches the heights of whatever other realm he's channeling. he gets to those places easier, and edits himself more appropriately onstage. in the studio however, every option, every random impulse, is tried and acted upon. meanwhile, i record it all with a barely-suppressed grin on my face.

the muse is a harsh mistress

2009-08-29T16:14:00.002-04:00

my muse wakes me at times somewhere between too late and too early. it interrupts conversations. it makes me hum strange melodies to my voicemail. it gives me a vacant look while walking down the street. it has ruined my life. it has made my life worth living.

it even has fights with itself. one idea can barely be finished or even started before another comes along to challenge the first for my attention.

i try to focus, but it glamors me, tarnishing the skin of the creations it deems unworthy. what was once a work of great promise becomes yesterday's dirty laundry. i'm faced with the choice of choosing to toil away at cleaning it, or turning my gaze to the shiny new object. both approaches have their pitfalls.

one theory is that if something gestates too long, it loses its immediacy and life. that can be countered with the idea that if something doesn't die, it has more potential longevity. i tend to gravitate toward the latter concept.

another side effect of the muse delaying completion of the music is, the longer it takes, the more angry i become. which means i'm less likely to feel like crooning sweet melodies in my head voice. this ends up skewing the muse of course.

fortunately, the muse can make a quick turnaround. what was once out of favor will suddenly be attractive again due to a change of instrument in my head. when that happens, it's best to give in and act on its impulses. before they change again.

through the haze

2009-08-02T23:13:00.006-04:00

if a recording of a tree falling in a forest is out of phase, will anyone hear it?

i spend a lot of time fixing things i perceive as problems. the more i learn about why some recordings sound better than others, the more problems i discover. however, with bryin's help, i'm also able to solve or work around them, which makes the music better.

if we had an engineer working with us, we could just point out our concerns and they'd be fixed. or they might not even be a problem in the first place, because we'd have been stopped from causing one in the throes of creativity. unfortunately that's not the case. so we make a lot of interim mixes of songs to listen to on different systems and decide what needs to be added, subtracted, or modified.

i'm gratified that anyone wants to listen to our music. it's not for everyone. this is not being elitist, but realistic about the appeal of the types of sounds we make and the emotions and subject matter we deal with. having said that, ultimately we make music to satisfy ourselves. we have something inside us that drives us to create, to say what we want to say. this isn't driven by trends, marketing, sales, or focus groups. it's driven by the desire to hear something that doesn't exist until we bring it into this world.

however, we do need to consider the final form our creations will take, which is subject to at least some of those very things i just mentioned. the current prevalence of mp3 players and cheap earbuds has thrown another wrench into the gears working towards good sound. certain instruments, or just parts of instruments, end up creating an irritating noise or losing their volume or character when experienced those ways. then there is the recent resurgence of vinyl, which can't contain as much bass, treble, or volume as CD's or even mp3's. this means at nearly every stage of music-making process, we have to consider if a sound will come out as intended.

in a sense, this is nothing new. there have always been poor quality playback systems, and each one presents a different sonic challenge to musicians and producers. the goal is to make the music sound as good as possible on as wide a range of listening devices as possible.

people who think that's too contrived, or only for audiophiles, would be shocked at how much of the power and excitement can be lost from even a straight-ahead punk record if none of these things are considered. on the other hand, there is such a thing as tweaking the life out of a recording. it all depends on the musician's goals.

my goal is to make recordings that aren't dated; that i'd want to listen to over and over; to embed little accents and layers of sound and meaning that reveal themselves with more listens; to create instrumental noises that defy easy description. and, in the end, if all that and more is done correctly, i'd like them to connect with people and become a part of their lives. so maybe ultimately not purely for ourselves after all.

the vision and the void

2009-06-22T22:11:00.003-04:00

trying to bring a sound in your head into the world is a maddening task at times. i know i drive myself and others a bit nuts trying to get it. but when a goal seems so perfect and yet attainable, it makes sense to go after it.

our sometime live sound engineer and studio keyboardist scott gave me a bemused look when i told him i wanted a single instrument halfway between a guitar and a piano. even worse, during a live-in-studio jam, he made an incredible synth sound that i thought would be perfect for the same song. he had no idea which program it was or how he'd manually changed it at the time. since then i've spent hours tweaking two different synths trying to recreate it or at least come close. in fact, the overall mix of sounds and styles is so delicate that at this point, i'm not even sure the song will end up on the album.

in the first example, the sound is essentially created in my head. in the second, the sound is something i've heard a recording of and therefore know is possible.

strangely, the latter scenario isn't much easier than the first, even with sampling technology. you have to find the sound isolated, if you can even track it down in the first place. the final nagging piece in the puzzle of the impossibly labyrinthine song mentioned in an earlier post is, in my mind, a fairly standard drum machine kick or tom i've heard on a hundred hip-hop or techno records. of course we'll give it our own touch, but we can't even find the original, and we've gone through dozens of sample libraries. any number of other kicks could be used, but none of them are the right one. so the search goes on.

other times, when the elusive "sound" is more of an overall effect, i end up sounding even more unhinged. for "secondhand daylight" i told the others it should sound as though the whole song was being heard through a layer of gauze while on valium. unfortunately, the literal interpretation of that was for me to muffle or delay every instrument. it may have been a faithful to the sonic concept, but it sounded awful. maybe we should release that version as a deterrent against valium and gauze abuse.

that song is now complete, after achieving the same effect through a different version of the same idea. in the end, the joy of finally finding the right sound erases all the agony of searching and of working on incomplete and incorrect versions. when you get something right, it just works.

lining up

2009-05-04T23:22:00.008-04:00

one of the greatest joys for me when working on music is when things start to come together. unlike those who play only one instrument or handle one aspect of a musical production, i get to have the over-arcing vision.

the painful part of this is when it lies there in a seemingly irredeemable mess, and those around me question my sanity and motivation. i can only babble the poor english translation of the images, sounds, and concepts that made sense in my head when i didn't have to articulate them. this is a sort of trial by fire (the fire being the burning attention given by musical peers or friends). either my explanation falls apart so badly that i realize my idea should be abandoned, i decide i have to find a solution that expresses it better, or their argument only strengthens my resolve.

at this point, or if i'm lucky, before it, i hopefully have an "epiphany session" in which my intent flows easily out of my fingers, charging the machinery with the correct outcome. those moments are like finding the auto-lock on a target. the song plays from the speakers simultaneously with the version in my head and they are a match, forming perfect quadrophonic sound.

it's fun building up an instrument at a time, being a player with my hands and a whip-cracking producer with my brain. then later, giving each sound its own definition and space, and hearing how they relate to one another. if i can't wait to sing along, or start moving without thinking, i know it's right.

things are coming together in a broader sense too. ideas about the album's running order and flow are making more sense. booklet art is being fiddled with, and logistics of special packaging are being investigated. the more these elements come into focus, the less they seem like an impossible patchwork of insanity and more like a complex but cohesive work.

the story so far

2009-01-30T14:20:00.008-05:00

contrary to what may seem to be, i don't strive to dwell in the negative. expression of negative feelings is healthier than suppressing them. this is one of the things dream into dust is about. the name itself might seem to be resigned, but its existence begs the question: what do you do when your dreams turn into dust? answer: you carry on with reality.

the current reality has been pretty bleak, but at times we can focus on the bright spots. the fact is, we have accomplished a lot. the oldest unreleased song, "flowers of destruction" is up on myspace. a lot of other songs are close to being finished. "end of memory" which was previewed in live shows, has weathered its changes for the better and only lacks one tiny guitar bit from bryin. another song we've played live, "secondhand daylight", is essentially done, after a bout with temporary insanity that had me rewriting half the music; a few tweaks and that will probably be online soon. a really heavy song, one of the best we've ever done, just needs two overdubs, while a pair of melancholy but danceable(!) tunes are all worked out and just need to be laid down. even the labyrinthine first song we started sounds better than it ever has, with only a few brow-furrowing beats and missing accents to nail.

better yet, a new attitude of working has led to renewed creativity. bryin and i no longer wait for anyone else to show up. the quandry discussed in a previous post is being circumvented. the work we've done with other musicians has been very rewarding and enriched the music, but at a cost. this is not to blame the other contributors, but acknowledge that sometimes people work in different ways and have their own creative paths. this doesn't mean ruling out working with others in the future, if the right people present themselves.

this means we're keeping most of what we've done, getting it out electronically when we can, and pushing forward with new songs and ideas. and damn it feels good.

tweaked

2008-12-23T23:40:00.003-05:00

i hate engineering.

i'll qualify that. i hate non-creative engineering. how loud does something have to be. what frequencies to compress or enhance in relation to a similar-sounding instrument to make sure you hear everything. trying to cut down on hiss without destroying a sound's character. how to give something ambience without turning it into total mush. eliminating that horrific screech buried in a sample that is ripping your ears out. fighting tooth and nail with an incredible loop that has a shitty sound, or else giving up on it, thus changing the character of what you were working on.

but i love tweaking.

when you have an idea and can add an effect (or five) and transform one sound into another. when you can just reach out and change a bunch of settings til what was in your head is now coming out of the speakers. when you find that doing something wrong creates something that feels right.

unfortunately, the two need to go hand-in-hand. tweaking without applying engineering knowledge can back you into a corner. we're currently having one of those moments when we realize we have to go back to an original version of a sound, or even redo it entirely because it's not going to get any better, much less be what it should be.

ironically, admitting defeat on one level is freeing on another level. alternate methods present themselves, and the goal once again fills my mind's eye instead of the wretched sonic abortion that's been filling our ears over and over. a new start means a new chance.

waiting for godot

2008-12-15T19:35:00.006-05:00

when you work alone, you answer to no one but yourself. you theoretically maximize your time and effectiveness by creating whenever possible as the mood and desire hits, instead of being at the mercy of multiple schedules and working patterns. but you lose the objectivity and external influence that can save you from your own worst impulses.

working with others has been a rewarding experience, but also a costly one. maintaining a rehearsal/recording space and then waiting for people to arrive in it being the two biggest drains on money and time. two resources no one seems to have quite enough of.

the solution so far seems to be a complicated mix of the two approaches. everyone works on their own as well as together. whether it's writing lyrics, programming, creating loops and textures, or practicing parts, there are always aspects of working on music that don't require others to be there. there's also a spark of ideas and interaction that can only happen with more than one person playing simultaneously.

this has been the challenge of our existence in recent years: trying to find balance during times of imbalance. the constant variables can leave the brain flailing for something to grab onto.

suddenly something solid will materialize, or maybe what was once liquid has congealed and hardened into the form it was always meant to be. those are the moments we live for.

double-edged razor

2008-12-05T21:13:00.003-05:00

the computer has put an incredible power directly in our hands. but it's a power that comes with a price. as an engineering and experimental tool, it's wonderful.

it is also the gateway to a microscopic hell.

time spent staring at waveforms, zooming in and out, copying and pasting, feels like watching my own brain eroding. zig-zags have been burned into the retina of my mind's eye like a monitor left on with no screen saver. whatever music we work on is reduced to and associated with violent polygraph-like patterns. we think about the peaks and valleys we see as much as those we hear or feel.

instead of dreaming a sound and executing it with the best means possible, we now have a hundred different possible paths to the imaginary nirvana of perfection. there is nearly always another tweak or process that can be done that promises the sound coming out of the speakers will equal or exceed the one in our heads.

we don't fear or reject these tools, or doubt their abilities. we've even become good at using them. the trick is to find balance, remember their place.

out in the wilderness with a huge swiss army knife, we should be grateful for the attachments we have, but also be prepared to use our bare hands.

inauspicious beginnings

2008-12-02T08:35:00.009-05:00

our first new song began, as several of them do, with a concept.

i asked my bandmate/collaborator bryin dall, and ryan smith of stars like fleas, for sounds relating to the concept. i recorded my own and scoured the web for more. i've lost count of how many sounds were collected for this one song.

bryin and i worked on it exclusively once or twice a week for about three months. i don't know how he kept from shooting me in the head during that time, except he has as much of a love of sound manipulation as i do. it was like putting together a jigsaw puzzle, except we had our own hacksaws and ink to be able to change any piece to fit.

jason of the unquiet void came to the studio and heard an early version. he was pretty shocked, as it didn't sound like anything we'd done before. after i added vocals, a potential manager heard it and got it stuck in his head for the rest of the night. it seemed like things were moving along.

then at some point, the other three people in the band told me to cut out what i'd thought was the best part of the song. i went back and worked on that section for hours, until i realized they were right. since then, other parts have been painfully excised.

nothing makes life seem futile more than work that feels wasted. not just the time and effort spent on it, but the realization that the good aspects of what was done will probably never be used or appreciated. we still have the pieces. some are saved as sketches for potential new songs. but they feel like unwanted children, or dismembered ghosts of possibility.

what remains is better than it ever was, but at the moment it reminds me of a patient who's had multiple surgeries in a short timespan. still healing, but in need of more work.

the nameless place

2008-12-01T14:32:00.028-05:00

i am in a place i don't want to be. both literally and figuratively.

i am ostensibly a musician. however i seem to spend much of my time not actually making music. it's hard to judge, as in this literal and figurative place, time is pretty strange.

time. five years. that's the last time my band's music was fixed in a physical form available to the public.

music is ephemeral, magickal, spiritual. giving it physical form helps tether it to our existence, give it substance, and a nod towards certain associations.

my own high standards are both blessing and curse. at times, our new music feels like a mathematical equation that tries to divide itself by a fraction; the answer keeps getting closer but never seems to reach zero.

but it will.